Chinese Sin Erasing Tea

   We just got back from a short trip out to San Francisco, and while we were there, we spent a lot of time in China Town. The food was fantastic and I completely enjoyed looking at all of the things on sale for a "very low price" now that the Chinese New Year is over. But my favorite thing was spending time in one of the many Chinese Tea Houses. I loved sitting on one of the rickety chairs lining the outer rim of the tasting counter and listening to the little Chinaman talk as he served up itty-bitty cups of tea by the sip. I loved watching his hands as he swished the tea leaves around with the lid of the serving cup, and I was riveted by all the things he told us that the tea could do for our bodies.

  We learned that white teas are the highest in anti-oxidants and the black teas are the highest in caffeine. He poured us jasmine tea, green tea and even a special tea that looked like long twigs of greenish-colored toilet paper all twisted up, ready to unfold in hot water to help people with diabetes process sugars better. There was a rose-scented tea that was good for your complexion and another tea that came in a bark-like case that aided in digestive track issues. There was a tea for everything and every problem! So you can imagine how laser-focused I became when the little man behind the counter told me about the tea that takes away all of your sins!

   It's called Angel Tea, and our host explained that this particular tea cleanses the body of all the nasty things you put into it. I watched with wide eyes as he placed the dried flakes of tea into a bulbous-looking wineglass and then added hot water. Instantly, the flakes fanned out into beautiful, lush leaves that swayed a bit as the man swished the water around the glass. I held out my tiny tea cup to get my sip, hoping that this tea could help me get rid of the double chocolate muffin I ate earlier that day. As I swallowed that bitter sip down, I felt my hand automatically reach out for a second sip. (You see, I also had a bag of peanut M&M's on our flight out West, and I was just sure those suckers were clogging up my system.) The nice tea man obliged with a smile, and then revealed a cigarette in his pocket. He winked at me and said, "This tea pay for all my sins!"

   I just had to get some of this amazing tea to take home with me, and luckily, my husband seemed equally as impressed by the notion of a tea that could erase poor food and lifestyle choices in a few steamy gulps. So I asked the gentleman how much it would be to buy some of this heavenly Angel Tea.

    "Angel Tea is $128 per pound," he said with a proud smile. "But it worth every penny."

    While I was sure he was speaking the truth on this matter, I had to pause and analyze the price of this tea. Good heaven's that's a lot - even for tea that can actually erase what you've eaten! But before I could even react, I heard my husband ask the man for a quarter of a pound, and I suddenly felt alive inside! We could certainly afford to buy a quarter of a pound of this magical tea!! I would just have to ration it a bit and treat it like liquid gold! I felt giddy knowing that I would soon have the power to flush my body of all the naughty bites of chocolate, and the spoonfuls of Nutella I seem to be so prone to eating. 

  I can't tell you how excited I was to get back home and brew up a big cup of Angel Tea! I ate so poorly on our trip that it gave me such comfort to know that I could simply sip on some tea and all of those terribly fattening things I ate would just melt off of my hips! I mean if this tea could get rid of the negative impact of smoking for the Chinese man, why couldn't it help me out with some of my more questionable food choices? And now that I have my very own stash of this amazing tea, I don't have to limit myself to just one tiny cup - I can make a huge cup of tea, and really melt the gunk out of my body!

   On my first day back from my vacation, I got up early and boiled some water in my electric kettle. I poured a very small handful of the Angel Tea leaves into my tea strainer and pulled out the biggest mug we've got. I was going to start my day off with a clean slate, no matter how much tea I had to drink. My first mug was a little bitter, but I slurped down every gulp, willing the tea to do it's magic inside the inner workings of my body. My second mug was certainly a lot less tasty, but I figured it would take at least two mugs to really flush out my body, and in the end, I decided it would be worth getting over the way the green liquid tasted  on my tongue for these oh-so-desirable results! 

   A few hours later, I was running errands when suddenly, my stomach started to gurgle - VERY LOUDLY! Then, I started to feel the gurgling moving around and entering a section of my body that was no longer what I considered to be my stomach region (if you know what I mean!). It was almost like something gave way inside of my body and things were starting to pressurize inside of me. I literally had the vision of one of those Liquid Plumber commercials where the clog suddenly dissolves and everything starts to flow!! It was all I could do to make it back to our condo in time before the "pipes" inside my abdomen burst!

   Several hours later, I had gone through an entire roll of toilet paper and was doubled over on my bed with roiling stomach cramps. I felt my forehead glistening with sweat as I did my best to stave off another wave of nausea and I found myself praying to ask God to forgive me for believing that I could actually erase my bad choices with a few cups of tea. I know it takes more willpower than I have these days to make good choices, and I was simply foolish to think there was a tea that could eliminate the consequences of all the junky things I've been eating these days!

   That's when I started to wonder if maybe the only sin this Chinese Sin Erasing Tea couldn't wipe clean was the sin of gluttony! (Because stupidity isn't technically a sin!!)