Starting Small

   I'm sitting here in my office chair and my stomach muscles are literally shaking. I took another Pilates class this morning, and today, we focused on our core muscles. Oh boy! I've always thought I had pretty strong stomach muscles, but the truth is, I think only the larger abdominal muscles were ever taxed in my regular sit-up routine, and today, all of the tiny support muscles came to life as I struggled to balance my back on a small beach ball while I had my legs pointed straight up into the air at a 90 degree angle. (Yeah...that felt natural!)

   After the work out, I felt a bit shaky all over, but as the day has worn on, my abs feel incredibly fatigued and tender. (Can you imagine how sore I will be tomorrow?!) But all of these tingles and shakes have made me think about a truth that has been unfolding in my life lately: sometimes, the smallest things matter the most.

   Anyone who has spent any time talking to me lately knows that I'm all about the big picture, and not limiting your thinking with your fears. I'm trying to live my life by that standard, and I truly believe that having a bigger vision for myself is an important part of who I am becoming as an author and as a person. But the truth is, the big picture for me is made up of the smaller things going on in my life, and if I don't take some time to look at that fact, I may miss most of the life lessons God has in store for me right now. Some of the smaller conversations and personal relationships I'm cultivating may have a greater impact on my big picture than I ever realized!

   There are two very different women in my life that I had the chance to challenge this week -- one is a seventeen-year-old girl, and one is someone I consider to be my contemporary. Both women are tentatively seeking the "big picture" vision for themselves in their lives, but the bigness of the possibilities are almost too massive to get their arms around. It might be easy to say what you think you want to be or do in this big picture of your life, but it is certainly a lot more daunting to consider all of the things that have to happen before you can get there!

   For me, acknowledging this truth in my own life helps to center me. I have some very big ideas for where I'm heading and what I'm about to do, but would it be worth it to do any of it if I a) didn't enjoy the journey, or b) didn't celebrate the smaller accomplishments along the way? 

   Maybe if I treat the little things -- like having an amazing chat with a woman or girl who is seeking something new and empowering in her life, or getting excited over a phone call where someone shared a minor triumph with me -- as the most important parts of my journey, the big picture will just take on a shape and greatness of it's own. Just like my Pilates instructor assured us today that developing the tiny core muscles will better support our larger muscles, I think that truth is universal in my life when it comes to what I'm doing. Don't forget to start small. Don't be in such a hurry to leap-frog into a future that you might not be ready for without all of the little lessons taking shape in between!

   It is difficult to ratchet down my bigger visions for myself, but maybe it is a good exercise for me right now. I really can't see myself shelving any of  the big dreams or things I have in motion, but maybe I just need to re-balance things a bit in my life, and let the tiny growth muscles in my life have center stage for a bit! Yeah... That feels like the right thing to do!

PS - If you are reading my blog, and you had a chat with me this week, you might be wondering if you are one of the women that I'm savoring at the moment. Well, I can give you a hint. Your bum is a bit sore from a mid-week Pilates class, and I'm so excited to find out about what you've been thinking about for your life this week after our little chat!! Whoo Hooo!!

   

Shallow thoughts...

   I went to a funeral a couple of nights ago. It was for a man in our country club who played golf with my husband. From what I knew of him, he was a fantastic guy, who was always the life of the party, and a pretty terrific golfer, too. As about 250 friends and family members crammed into the club house to pay their respects, I found myself thinking all sorts of thoughts. As I watched the deceased's family struggle with grief over the loss of such an important man in their lives, I of course thought about my own loved ones. Funerals have a way of taking you to all sorts of places with your thoughts, and maybe they are important to attend for that very reason. 

   Unfortunately, my thoughts sort of worked their way up to the shallow end of the thought pool as I contemplated some things about my life and how things might play out in the event of my own untimely death. For some reason, it dawned on me that if I died today, people might find out a few things about me of which I'm not very proud. As I sat there in my seat, listening to the family members offer up various types of eulogies, I started to really zero in on how I would feel if people knew that my underwear drawer is a mess! In fact, it's not just my underwear drawer, but all of my drawers really. 

   I am such a stand for tidiness in my world - my house is basically spotless on the surface, and I strive with all that I have in me to make sure my husband's clothing is always pressed and clean. But when you start looking through my underwear drawer, and then drop down to my workout clothes, and on into the drawer with all of my sweat pants and long-sleeved shirts, you might have to wonder if the same girl used these drawers! They are horribly messy - I mean horribly! I literally just dump handfuls of my clean underwear into my drawer and then shove it shut with my hip. And my workout clothes - well, they are incredibly tricky to fold, so I generally just kind of roll them up and shove them in the drawer, knowing I'm just going to be pulling them out of the drawer in the next day or so and sweating up a storm in them!

   So maybe by confessing this fact on my blog, I have one less thing to worry about if I were to die suddenly and without warning. I guess you always need to be prepared for these kinds of things because no one knows for sure when they will be called home. And instead of actually trying to tidy up the drawers and live a life I know I can't maintain, I will confess my closet secret about my messy underwear drawer and live with joy! Boy that feels great!

   (Man...I can really be shallow sometimes...)

  

I think I have worms...

   You know when you watch one of those 20/20 or Dateline shows, and the topic is rather upsetting? Like the one where they show you what the mattresses at a hotel look like under a black light, or they have a hidden camera to show you that the maid actually just washed the glasses out with Windex? I really shouldn't watch those shows. They aren't so good for my head and they tend to create paranoid ideas that really don't serve the greater good in my life. 

   Over the weekend, I stayed in a hotel in Oxford, Mississippi. It was a nice, basic hotel, and I do think it seemed clean.  But on the last day of our stay, I kept feeling the need to itch my back. It was subtle at first - just a little irritation that made me reach around to give my back a little scratch. But as the day wore on, the need to itch became even more dire, and I found myself grinding my back into the sharp intersection of two walls at the Atlanta airport just to satisfy the itch!

   Now, several days later, I'm just suffering over this rash! It's fine in the morning, but by the afternoon, it is insatiable! Could it be that I caught bugs from the hotel bed? Or even worse - do you think it could be worms?! I've just come from my bathroom before posting this entry, and I managed to twist my neck around as far as I could to get a look at my back in the mirror. The rash is very red - and I do see some bumps. But I will be honest with you - it is all I can do not to let my mind go to a place where the bumps start looking like little worm heads popping out of my back!

   Not sure yet what I'm going to do about this rash situation. All I remember from the darn 20/20 segment was that there were bugs in the bed. I don't recall anyone sharing the much needed information on what to do about the bites if you get them! Let's just hope the rash will disappear on its own. And if they are worms - please God, don't let them be worms! - I'm just going to hope they will wiggle on out of my back and die in the sterile environment that is my home! (I love you Lysol!) 

Flexibility

    10:25 a.m. - I am quite certain that I'm one of the most inflexible gals in town. I just don't seem to have the kind of body that flows, sways or pivots easily. Instead, I feel like when I try to stretch and elongate myself, I just end up pulling a muscle out of place, and then that particular muscles screams at me all day! (Shame on you, Sonja! What are you trying to do? Kill me?)

   Recently, I took a Yoga class in the name of research for my next novel. It was a very big class, full of very fit-looking women. It was the perfect environment for taking notes for my story - which was honestly my only focus. But as the class progressed, I heard the instructor comment on how an inflexible body is often the result of an inflexible mind.  Hmmm. I had to ponder that for a bit.

   Fast-forward to this morning, when I was taking a Pilates class at my gym. Our instructor was asking us to bend and twist our legs in some crazy, Houdini-like  ways - that seemed pretty much impossible without causing some sort of dislocation situation in my hips - and that thought came to my mind again. An inflexible body is often the result of an inflexible mind. In many ways, I think there is something to that, because I am usually pretty quick to tell my body that it wasn't meant to bend that way, or that it shouldn't hurt this much! But could it be that my mind is limiting my body from reaching new extensions in flexibility?

   So while I was flat on my back, I carefully positioned the huge, red Pilates ball between my knees as instructed, and quieted my mind. I only allowed the instructor's voice to enter into my thoughts, and I didn't even allow myself to question her words when she told us to twist at the waist and allow our legs - ball and all - to fall to our left side, while hips remained flat on the mat, and our upper torso rotated to the right. Miraculously, my legs seemed to float to the side and I could feel my hip muscles letting go, elongating into a lovely, deep stretch. I listened for the cue to transition the stretch to the other side, and with fluid-like grace, I managed to carry out the movement to my complete surprise! I did my best to stay in this Zen-like trance as we continued to roll around on the floor with this massive rubber ball between our knees, and with every new position, I just let my mind stay quiet as my body obeyed the instructions.

   At the end of class, I was pretty pumped and felt very empowered - and my legs and hips felt quite tingly! I had let my mind be more flexible and gave my body permission to move in ways it has never moved before! What a trip! I think this was a big step for me! A very big step!

1:00 p.m. - Oiy! That's all I can managed to say when I stand up or sit down. Oiy! But I do have a new thought: An inflexible mind protects an inflexible body. Oiy...

April Fool's Day

   I woke up missing my mom today. I guess on some level, I always miss her, but I miss her the most when I think of funny times I had with her when I was growing up. She was just so cute and easy to make laugh. There was always this easy spirit inside my mom that made her a good friend, and someone you wanted to be around. AND, she was super easy to prank on April Fool's Day!

   I know my sister will remember how we used to wrap a rubber band around the retractable hose on the kitchen sink so that when someone turned on the water, it would squirt them right in the chest. That was sort of our signature joke on April 1 every year, and it was always my mom that got the first blast. She would let out the little yelp of surprise every time, and then turn around to see my sister and me, stifling our giggles behind the palms of our hands. I miss how she looked, all wet in the chest, with a giggle of her own building behind her attempted look of dismay. She was a really great mom, for so many reasons, but mostly because in every situation, I knew she loved me. And even now, I know she loves me, and I can't explain how much that helps me live my life. 

    Well, Happy April Fool's Day, Mom! I miss you... (and I secretly hope that Grandpa Ullrich has wrapped a rubber band around the celestial retractable hose on the kitchen sink in your section of God's mansion so you can remember how much we all loved to laugh with you!)