Naming our Fears

   In the past two days, I've had the opportunity to talk to two very beautiful, very worthy women about their lives, and what it is they want the most for the future. One of the women has been my best friend for nearly 15 years, and the other is a brand new friend I've only known for a very short time. But during the course of both conversations, it became crystal clear to me that the only thing holding these two amazing women back from all the greatness they deserve is fear. Nothing else. 

   I can only recognize this fear situation because I face my own fears on a daily basis! I have fears about never selling the massive wall of books that are lining the outer rim of my garage as I write this; I worry that I won't be able to afford the dreams I have for myself as an author; and I fret over the notion that I might not be as great of a writer as I think I am, and one day, the rest of the world will find out and I will be considered a major sham! Yeah...I have my fair share of fear! But I'm convinced that what makes my fear useful is that I can name it. 

   When I was a kid, I used to be riddled with fear and worry -- and I can even remember a teacher once writing on my report card that "Sonja is a worry wart." I remember my mom showing this to me and I felt so ashamed. And when she asked me what I was worried about, I couldn't even tell her. I was just worried all the time, and insecure that maybe I wasn't as deserving or as good as the rest of the kids in my class.

    But as I've gotten older, I've learned that when I get consumed with a free-floating sense of anxiety, if I can name it, I can actually deal with it. If I can put my finger on the very thing I fear the most, and then give it a name, I can better take it on, and most of the time, even overcome it! I think that is the first step when setting nonnegotiables in your life. How can you begin to know what it is you want when you can't even allow yourself to name what it is you fear?

   I'm no expert at containing my fears, but I am getting better. I mostly digest my greatest fears at night, when I'm trying to fall asleep. These alien thoughts sort of wrap their tendrils around my chest and start squeezing me with fears and concerns about the unknown. But when I get very still, and then reduce my big huge life with all of it's problems and complications to the single moment I'm living in right now, I can have the courage to name my fears and see them for what they are. 

Fear 1: I'm afraid I will fail and the rest of the world will say I was stupid for trying. (Fear of Failure)

Fear 2: I'm afraid I will lose all my financial security and I won't be able to pay my bills. (Fear of Financial Insecurity)

Fear 3: I'm afraid I am using my writing abilities for the wrong things -- like maybe I'm being irresponsible with my talents. (Fear of Disappointing Others)

   Once I've given every fear a definition or a name, a very miraculous thing starts to happen. I can feel the fear loosening it's grip on my chest, and then I can hear my rational mind sliding into place, greeting my biggest concerns with questions like, "Who is the rest of the world to say that you aren't worthy of dreaming big? And why can everyone else decide for you what is a success and what is a failure?" and "If this dream is that important to you, aren't there things you can do without in order to make your dream come true? Isn't there always a way to make some money?" and "Does it matter if you disappoint yourself? Who are you really trying to impress anyway?"

   And gradually, with my fears named for what they really are, I can own each irrational thought, or fear, and give it a new spin. I can believe in myself and know that I don't have to let my fears limit me anymore. In the Bible, it says to take "every thought captive" (2 Cor.10:5), and I think that is an empowering concept, because often, what we think or what we believe -- whether it is rational, irrational, truth-filled or a lie -- can determine what we end up doing with our lives.

   So today, I am going to own my fears and keep them in submission to my faith! I don't have to let my concerns or worries dictate to me what I deserve to be or to do in this life. I am more powerful than some unknown perception that somehow sneaks into my being only to take up residence in my mind! I'm not willing to sit back and not expect great things in my life due to fear! I am worthy of great things, and I think even my fears know it!!

   So as I close this entry for today, I pray that whoever reads this will have the courage to be quiet in the moment and face the biggest fears with the bravest heart, knowing there is more room for your dreams if you boot out all of the fears!