A real head scratcher...

   OK, so here's the situation. While buying a hot, sticky cinnamon bun and a latte this morning at my favorite coffee shop, my attention was diverted by a stunning young lady exiting from the bathroom. She had on super tight, super small shorts, and a stomach-skimming, cropped T-shirt. Her stunning-ness wasn't so much about her face - which was fresh and pretty, but nothing shockingly so - but more about her long legs, and her very skimpy outfit. 

   I watched her cross the coffee shop and then stop at a table where there was an incredibly frumpy looking middle-aged woman, wearing one of those believed to be figure hiding ensembles - you know, the kind that just shapelessly drapes over the body in an effort to "conceal" flaws that simply can't be hidden? I quickly surmised that this older gal was the girl's mother. (Well, I guess I picked up that fact because the lovely girl said, "You ready to go Mom?")

   Anyway, as I watched the two women gathering their things, I was feeling a bit ashamed of the cinnamon bun I had just ordered. (To have a lovely figure like this girl has, you can't go around eating cinnamon buns, now can you!) That's when I heard the mother shout, in a sharp, rather alarming tone, "Get control of your eyes!" For a second, I thought she was speaking to me, but then I realized there was a man standing right behind me, and - I'm just guessing here - I think he must have noticed this woman's daughter as well. 

   The two ladies marched out of the coffee shop with a huff of self-righteousness, but not before the mother had a chance to zap the man behind me with her hateful stare. Once the room was all clear, nearly everyone seated in the immediate area let out nervous laughs and commentaries like, "Whatever!" and "What a beast!" The guy behind me seemed to take some solace in the fact that other people in the room were struck by the exchange as well. And it seemed that people's reaction almost made him the victim! And I'll be honest, there was a tiny part of me that felt a little sorry for him, too, because the mother's upset seemed so hateful and personal.

    But as I slathered on a layer of real butter (only on the outer section of my roll that didn't get enough frosting), I began to really wonder about who was ultimately responsible for what went down in that exchange. Does the mother have the right to be upset at a man for looking at her daughter with lust in his eyes when her daughter is going out of her way to flaunt her great body? Does the man have a responsibility to keep his eyes diverted when a woman openly exposes that much of herself in the middle of a public coffee shop? And what about the sexy girl? Was this her plan? Did she hope to get this kind of attention from the men she passed by, while wearing this eye-catching number?

    As I pondered all of these thoughts and replayed the situation in my head, I became convicted of the fact that there were likely multiple things going on during this exchange. Could it be that the mother had some jealous feelings about the attention her daughter was getting and lashed out? Maybe. I don't think this is an uncommon phenomenon - especially in these modern times where women seem to be competing at ever turn with each other, whether they are related or not! And to me, it seems like when women compete, it is for some kind of brass-ring achievement anyway (like male attention, for example).

   Or what about the idea that the mother was actually upset at her daughter but didn't have enough confidence to reprimand her flesh-and-blood, and instead, took it out on a stranger. I do see that many women have trouble confronting other women with truth because they fear losing the relationship or connection. So maybe this mother was a bit troubled or even embarrassed by what her daughter was wearing, but just couldn't find a way to share her concerns with her daughter. Perhaps this caused her frustrations to mount up and suddenly, without warning, she lashed out at the first man she made eye-contact with!

   And what about the man. Was he out of line? Sure. But when have guys ever not struggled with looking?! It's how they are made. And in this day and age, women are decadently presented for the world to see - much like the bakery case, filled with confectionary bliss, that once housed the cinnamon bun resting on my plate! How is a normal person supposed to control the lust for something so decadent when it is displayed in such a way for creating temptation?

   Clearly the daughter didn't mind the attention, and that's where my thoughts have stayed put. If she found the gaze of lusting men in my favorite coffee shop offensive, she certainly didn't let on. Looking back, I even recall that she lifted her leg seductively as she reached down to pick up her purse. I am going to take a wild guess here, but I have a feeling this girl knew exactly what she was doing this morning when she dressed herself and checked her reflection in the mirror. She new the power she could have over men by showing off her body. (But I have to wonder if she realizes what this "power" is doing to her mother!)

   So now I'm left to wonder, and scratch my head a bit. How do we as women protect each other, own our greatness and beauty, and live out our lives with respect and dignity if we can't find a balance. There simply are no collectively accepted rules of etiquette or codes of conduct anymore - particularly among women these days. And to me, this seems like a scary place to be. 

   

 

Strawberry Shortcake - She is just a fond memory...

   I had this little doll when I was around 7 or 8 called Strawberry Shortcake. She was this cute little collectable toy with red hair, a starched-white pinafore, strawberry-patterned bloomers and a funny little bonnet. But the most notable thing about her was the fact that if you took a good sniff of her head, she smelled of sweet, luscious strawberries. Yum!! 

   Oh! And did I mention that she had yummy friends? There was another doll that smelled just like apricots and one that was scented with peaches and cream, and I'm pretty sure there was a sister that wore the scent of zesty blueberries, too. I loved these dolls - mostly because they also had the kind of hair your could comb, and you could even wash them without taking away their lovely scents (which is a huge bonus when you are OCD!) But the very best part of all was the fact that they were very innocent and silly, just the way childhood should be.

   So you can imagine my sadness when earlier this week, USA Today revealed that the makers of this classic toy felt the need to "revamp" Strawberry Shortcake to make her more "relevant" to today's young girl. The new and improved Strawberry Shortcake now has a thiner face, longer, more flowing hair, and a more realistic girl-like body. Oh, and did I mention that she also has painted lips and no awkward freckles on her nose?

   I know it's ridiculous, but as I read more about this new, more modern version of one of my childhood favs, I actually felt a sense of sorrow. Why isn't the old version good enough for the new youth of America? Is the doll that inspired me so much that I still remember her at age 36 not good enough for the child of today? Why isn't something innocent relevant to childhood anymore?

   As a younger sister, I used to find myself wishing that I could be in stride with the things my sister did. (In fact, I was recently thinking of how badly I wanted to wear my sister's training bra when my mother finally decided the time had come to get my sister's boobs under control. I think I even remember sitting outside her locked bedroom door, begging her to let me wear one of her tiny training bras - specifically the one with the tennis racket details sewn right into the center - to school the next day.) For my mom and me, it was a constant battle to keep my little mind where it needed to be so I could enjoy being Sonja at every age.

  And, as is the classic case when it comes to my mom, she used to say something poignant and pithy to me during those times when I was a puddle outside my sister's room: Sonja, you can always grow up, but you can't grow down.

   She was right. You can't go back into a time of innocence and blissful ignorance once you start to see too much. When the things you are exposed to rob you of the refreshing freedom of not knowing or fully understanding the cruel realities of the world around you, the layers of happiness start to pull away. When you enter into a time and place where a toy has to be "relevant" to an adult perception of what's important in a young girl's world, there goes childhood.

   So tonight as I post this long awaited entry, I want to send a shout out to my mom, the late Diana Jean Bentley. Thanks for holding onto my youth for me, and for whispering truth in my ear. Thanks for giving me a childhood where a dolly in bloomers and a bonnet inspired me to enjoy my time of innocence. 

   

Starting Small

   I'm sitting here in my office chair and my stomach muscles are literally shaking. I took another Pilates class this morning, and today, we focused on our core muscles. Oh boy! I've always thought I had pretty strong stomach muscles, but the truth is, I think only the larger abdominal muscles were ever taxed in my regular sit-up routine, and today, all of the tiny support muscles came to life as I struggled to balance my back on a small beach ball while I had my legs pointed straight up into the air at a 90 degree angle. (Yeah...that felt natural!)

   After the work out, I felt a bit shaky all over, but as the day has worn on, my abs feel incredibly fatigued and tender. (Can you imagine how sore I will be tomorrow?!) But all of these tingles and shakes have made me think about a truth that has been unfolding in my life lately: sometimes, the smallest things matter the most.

   Anyone who has spent any time talking to me lately knows that I'm all about the big picture, and not limiting your thinking with your fears. I'm trying to live my life by that standard, and I truly believe that having a bigger vision for myself is an important part of who I am becoming as an author and as a person. But the truth is, the big picture for me is made up of the smaller things going on in my life, and if I don't take some time to look at that fact, I may miss most of the life lessons God has in store for me right now. Some of the smaller conversations and personal relationships I'm cultivating may have a greater impact on my big picture than I ever realized!

   There are two very different women in my life that I had the chance to challenge this week -- one is a seventeen-year-old girl, and one is someone I consider to be my contemporary. Both women are tentatively seeking the "big picture" vision for themselves in their lives, but the bigness of the possibilities are almost too massive to get their arms around. It might be easy to say what you think you want to be or do in this big picture of your life, but it is certainly a lot more daunting to consider all of the things that have to happen before you can get there!

   For me, acknowledging this truth in my own life helps to center me. I have some very big ideas for where I'm heading and what I'm about to do, but would it be worth it to do any of it if I a) didn't enjoy the journey, or b) didn't celebrate the smaller accomplishments along the way? 

   Maybe if I treat the little things -- like having an amazing chat with a woman or girl who is seeking something new and empowering in her life, or getting excited over a phone call where someone shared a minor triumph with me -- as the most important parts of my journey, the big picture will just take on a shape and greatness of it's own. Just like my Pilates instructor assured us today that developing the tiny core muscles will better support our larger muscles, I think that truth is universal in my life when it comes to what I'm doing. Don't forget to start small. Don't be in such a hurry to leap-frog into a future that you might not be ready for without all of the little lessons taking shape in between!

   It is difficult to ratchet down my bigger visions for myself, but maybe it is a good exercise for me right now. I really can't see myself shelving any of  the big dreams or things I have in motion, but maybe I just need to re-balance things a bit in my life, and let the tiny growth muscles in my life have center stage for a bit! Yeah... That feels like the right thing to do!

PS - If you are reading my blog, and you had a chat with me this week, you might be wondering if you are one of the women that I'm savoring at the moment. Well, I can give you a hint. Your bum is a bit sore from a mid-week Pilates class, and I'm so excited to find out about what you've been thinking about for your life this week after our little chat!! Whoo Hooo!!

   

Shallow thoughts...

   I went to a funeral a couple of nights ago. It was for a man in our country club who played golf with my husband. From what I knew of him, he was a fantastic guy, who was always the life of the party, and a pretty terrific golfer, too. As about 250 friends and family members crammed into the club house to pay their respects, I found myself thinking all sorts of thoughts. As I watched the deceased's family struggle with grief over the loss of such an important man in their lives, I of course thought about my own loved ones. Funerals have a way of taking you to all sorts of places with your thoughts, and maybe they are important to attend for that very reason. 

   Unfortunately, my thoughts sort of worked their way up to the shallow end of the thought pool as I contemplated some things about my life and how things might play out in the event of my own untimely death. For some reason, it dawned on me that if I died today, people might find out a few things about me of which I'm not very proud. As I sat there in my seat, listening to the family members offer up various types of eulogies, I started to really zero in on how I would feel if people knew that my underwear drawer is a mess! In fact, it's not just my underwear drawer, but all of my drawers really. 

   I am such a stand for tidiness in my world - my house is basically spotless on the surface, and I strive with all that I have in me to make sure my husband's clothing is always pressed and clean. But when you start looking through my underwear drawer, and then drop down to my workout clothes, and on into the drawer with all of my sweat pants and long-sleeved shirts, you might have to wonder if the same girl used these drawers! They are horribly messy - I mean horribly! I literally just dump handfuls of my clean underwear into my drawer and then shove it shut with my hip. And my workout clothes - well, they are incredibly tricky to fold, so I generally just kind of roll them up and shove them in the drawer, knowing I'm just going to be pulling them out of the drawer in the next day or so and sweating up a storm in them!

   So maybe by confessing this fact on my blog, I have one less thing to worry about if I were to die suddenly and without warning. I guess you always need to be prepared for these kinds of things because no one knows for sure when they will be called home. And instead of actually trying to tidy up the drawers and live a life I know I can't maintain, I will confess my closet secret about my messy underwear drawer and live with joy! Boy that feels great!

   (Man...I can really be shallow sometimes...)

  

I think I have worms...

   You know when you watch one of those 20/20 or Dateline shows, and the topic is rather upsetting? Like the one where they show you what the mattresses at a hotel look like under a black light, or they have a hidden camera to show you that the maid actually just washed the glasses out with Windex? I really shouldn't watch those shows. They aren't so good for my head and they tend to create paranoid ideas that really don't serve the greater good in my life. 

   Over the weekend, I stayed in a hotel in Oxford, Mississippi. It was a nice, basic hotel, and I do think it seemed clean.  But on the last day of our stay, I kept feeling the need to itch my back. It was subtle at first - just a little irritation that made me reach around to give my back a little scratch. But as the day wore on, the need to itch became even more dire, and I found myself grinding my back into the sharp intersection of two walls at the Atlanta airport just to satisfy the itch!

   Now, several days later, I'm just suffering over this rash! It's fine in the morning, but by the afternoon, it is insatiable! Could it be that I caught bugs from the hotel bed? Or even worse - do you think it could be worms?! I've just come from my bathroom before posting this entry, and I managed to twist my neck around as far as I could to get a look at my back in the mirror. The rash is very red - and I do see some bumps. But I will be honest with you - it is all I can do not to let my mind go to a place where the bumps start looking like little worm heads popping out of my back!

   Not sure yet what I'm going to do about this rash situation. All I remember from the darn 20/20 segment was that there were bugs in the bed. I don't recall anyone sharing the much needed information on what to do about the bites if you get them! Let's just hope the rash will disappear on its own. And if they are worms - please God, don't let them be worms! - I'm just going to hope they will wiggle on out of my back and die in the sterile environment that is my home! (I love you Lysol!) 

Flexibility

    10:25 a.m. - I am quite certain that I'm one of the most inflexible gals in town. I just don't seem to have the kind of body that flows, sways or pivots easily. Instead, I feel like when I try to stretch and elongate myself, I just end up pulling a muscle out of place, and then that particular muscles screams at me all day! (Shame on you, Sonja! What are you trying to do? Kill me?)

   Recently, I took a Yoga class in the name of research for my next novel. It was a very big class, full of very fit-looking women. It was the perfect environment for taking notes for my story - which was honestly my only focus. But as the class progressed, I heard the instructor comment on how an inflexible body is often the result of an inflexible mind.  Hmmm. I had to ponder that for a bit.

   Fast-forward to this morning, when I was taking a Pilates class at my gym. Our instructor was asking us to bend and twist our legs in some crazy, Houdini-like  ways - that seemed pretty much impossible without causing some sort of dislocation situation in my hips - and that thought came to my mind again. An inflexible body is often the result of an inflexible mind. In many ways, I think there is something to that, because I am usually pretty quick to tell my body that it wasn't meant to bend that way, or that it shouldn't hurt this much! But could it be that my mind is limiting my body from reaching new extensions in flexibility?

   So while I was flat on my back, I carefully positioned the huge, red Pilates ball between my knees as instructed, and quieted my mind. I only allowed the instructor's voice to enter into my thoughts, and I didn't even allow myself to question her words when she told us to twist at the waist and allow our legs - ball and all - to fall to our left side, while hips remained flat on the mat, and our upper torso rotated to the right. Miraculously, my legs seemed to float to the side and I could feel my hip muscles letting go, elongating into a lovely, deep stretch. I listened for the cue to transition the stretch to the other side, and with fluid-like grace, I managed to carry out the movement to my complete surprise! I did my best to stay in this Zen-like trance as we continued to roll around on the floor with this massive rubber ball between our knees, and with every new position, I just let my mind stay quiet as my body obeyed the instructions.

   At the end of class, I was pretty pumped and felt very empowered - and my legs and hips felt quite tingly! I had let my mind be more flexible and gave my body permission to move in ways it has never moved before! What a trip! I think this was a big step for me! A very big step!

1:00 p.m. - Oiy! That's all I can managed to say when I stand up or sit down. Oiy! But I do have a new thought: An inflexible mind protects an inflexible body. Oiy...

April Fool's Day

   I woke up missing my mom today. I guess on some level, I always miss her, but I miss her the most when I think of funny times I had with her when I was growing up. She was just so cute and easy to make laugh. There was always this easy spirit inside my mom that made her a good friend, and someone you wanted to be around. AND, she was super easy to prank on April Fool's Day!

   I know my sister will remember how we used to wrap a rubber band around the retractable hose on the kitchen sink so that when someone turned on the water, it would squirt them right in the chest. That was sort of our signature joke on April 1 every year, and it was always my mom that got the first blast. She would let out the little yelp of surprise every time, and then turn around to see my sister and me, stifling our giggles behind the palms of our hands. I miss how she looked, all wet in the chest, with a giggle of her own building behind her attempted look of dismay. She was a really great mom, for so many reasons, but mostly because in every situation, I knew she loved me. And even now, I know she loves me, and I can't explain how much that helps me live my life. 

    Well, Happy April Fool's Day, Mom! I miss you... (and I secretly hope that Grandpa Ullrich has wrapped a rubber band around the celestial retractable hose on the kitchen sink in your section of God's mansion so you can remember how much we all loved to laugh with you!)